A Family Snapshot

Where have you been? Do you remember as a kid noticing your parent was gone and not knowing where they were? It creates a little anxiety and uncertainty deep down in your gut. At least it did in mine. I grew up in a time when moms were more often home than not. When a home-cooked meal was on the table at 6.  And everybody was supposed to be there to eat it… at the same time.

Today’s families don’t have that structure in their lives. A recent study by Pew Research reported that today’s parents were struggling to raise their kids in ways that the previous generation did not. I suspect part of it is this disconnect from routines like family meals. A large research study done by Child Trends suggested that families eating around the dinner table 4-5 nights a week actually contributed to a healthier, more connected family. Duh. Children gravitate and yearn for routine. They don’t see the big picture of life. They see life in tiny color snapshots. They see Mom and Dad sitting at the heads of the dinner table each night. Every child in their own chair. They see a picture of family that remains in their heads forever.

Or at least it does it mine.

When Time Flew Away and Everyone Won

The ducks had to compete  for space. The geese were making their presence overwhelmingly obvious. Besides the mess, their noise was difficult to ignore.Most of us there for peace and quiet though hardly noticed this nature war going on outside on DeGray Lake. Inside in the retreat lodge, we were much too consumed with our brief away time.

 Besides we made a lot of our  own noise and sometimes our own messes.  The retreat Valentine’s weekend provided 100 normally very busy, over-scheduled, and weary warriors a place to breathe. We call it a Marriage Retreat. More than that it is a place for husbands to be boys and to be with other guys. For wives, girls again, to spend hours with friends. The beauty was no competition for your attention. No competition except for the  party game -time. That provided some funny and simple contests  (although the boys among us don’t laugh at competition as much as the girls)  and it was hilarious. On occasion, the hilarity evolved slowly into serious talk as we ventured into more major topics over the weekend. We celebrated newlyweds. We applauded lifetime loves of four decades.  We shared our triumphs of our married years. We cried over the disappointing days of lives attempting to live well. We encouraged and applauded the trys.  And  the attempts among us to straighten out what went wrong. No one was judged. No one was deemed unredeemable. The short time we had together was dedicated to building each other up. No one was blamed or criticized. Establishing fairness just wasn’t a part of it. But humility, patience, kindness, forgiveness and yes, love, was the greatest of the virtures we tried to practice with each other.

Time gave us just a few hours to complete the work of the retreat. We had a lot to do. But with nothing else competing, as couples, we could focus and again redeem the love we had pledged to each other 5 months or 43 years ago.  And God was with us and when He showed up, His pardon and mercy spoke volumes.

The Marriage Retreat was a success. And we all won.  No competition though.

Romance, Love, and Valentine’s Day

Would these book titles grab your attention:  ”Bring Back the Fun in Marriage”, “Date Your Mate”, or “Romancin’ Your Marriage”? They do if you realize that one of the most common challenges  a married couple has is keeping a life-time committed relationship healthy and exciting. Unless you are a brand-new couple, it takes a lot of concentrated effort to keep your love, well – lively. I want to challenge you to do something out of the ordinary to change things. Do something that will rout the routine of your relationship. What you can do to show your spouse that you really do love them? Here are just a few ideas to help you get started. These hints may help keep love alive and perhaps bring back the romance. These are just to get you started in reforming your relationship. They aren’t difficult – all are fairly simple to do. But if they aren’t the usual behavior in your marriage, just doing one or a few can make some positive changes in your relationship.                                                                                           

1.Here’s one: write notes and leave them everywhere that your mate can find them. Leave them in unexpected places like in a suit pocket, a lunchbox, or taped to their cell phone.

2.Volunteer to watch your kids for your wife while she takes a nap.

3. Get your children to write notes of appreciation to their dad or mom.  

4. Leave a loving message on his or her voice mail.

5. Bake your sweetie their favorite dessert or dinner.

6. And how about this one: take an unexpected, surprise trip out of town for a weekend.

 Now that you’re thinking what else can you do to show your spouse that you they are really the LOVE of your life? The key to reviving the romance in your marriage is to revive the love… by acting loving.

My Hope for Your Christmas

On this the day before the world celebrates the Christ child, my hope is that you and your family will have a blessed Christmas.  I pray that your family will share happy moments which will create fond memories of this Christmas season. May your family time together become a healthy part of your legacy to your children for years to come. For those of you who have struggled through family tragedy this year either through divorce, illness, or a death, I pray that these days will find you more settled, healthier, and in a gentler place. I hope that you have people around you to care for you and nourish your soul. I pray that you will have the close, loving support of a good church that will help you to grow closer to God in the next year. I hope that your children will be a blessing to you and that your grandchildren will be a regular, loving part of your life. My prayer is that God will bless all of you with a Christmas celebration filled with warm laughter, connecting conversations, and many joy-filled moments with your family and your friends. May your marriage be blessed with strength and love and courage.  May your children know the blessing of a strong, healthy family. And May God renew our hearts with hope that He gave to us all when the Christ child came to earth. Praise His name, Emanuel – God is With Us. May God bless you and yours and may you have the Merriest Christmas Day!

 

Wrong to be Right

Is it wrong to be right? We perhaps live in the most accepting and tolerant social times in U.S. history. Everything and everyone  is acceptable and approved of.  And for the most part that may be okay. Not being critical  or rejecting of someone from another culture or country, or of a person who hasn’t had the opportunity to learn manners or achieve educational or financial success is certainly a better approach to achieve social harmony.  But is it really wrong – unacceptable - to have strong convictions about behaviors, faith, morals and values? Is it unacceptable to live by a moral guideline? Is it anti-social to believe that its best to live by a standard? Bible believing and God-honoring Rick Warren whose interview with NBC news anchor, Ann Curry was introduced on NBC Today’s show today as a meeting with a “controversial figure” is being criticized on hundreds of news and blog sites. He is WRONG for holding to his Bible beliefs. Unacceptable. Reject him! That’s the word on the web and on the tube. It is unbelievable to many in this country that anyone would be stubborn and strong on a moral guideline that has guided humans since time began. A quick thesauraus search says that controversial is synonymous with words “contententious” and “divisive”.  Not words that seem to fit a caring religious leader who has given away millions of his own dollars to help the uncared for and underserved among us.  I suspect that Warren is being termed this way by  liberal thinkers because he doesn’t fit the standard that they think he should be preaching. Note: what is good for the goose isn’t good for the gander.  Christians have been persecuted since – well – since the beginning of Christiandom, so this treatment is not news.What is news is that now there is a loud public cry (read: media) for our nation’s leaders (both political and religious) to be pro-abortion, pro-gay marriage, and anti-Bible believing. It’s definitely time for Christians who believe in Jehovah God in the Lord Jesus Christ to be firm in what is right. Is that wrong?

Check Out the Website

Check out my website: www.hearttohomeministry.org. Articles and resources about family stuff abound!

We Are Family — We Make It Work!

Our family is amazingly close– well, we all live next door to each other! Does that count?  Just joking. We do live on the same street. But what really makes us close are the family traditions that consistently draw us into a relationship with each other. We are friends as much as we are family. In addition to our family holidays, we spend time celebrating our children’s accomplishments and enjoying each cousin’s activities together. We attend church and work in ministry’s together. We share regular meals together. And we are constantly looking for ways to just have fun and hang out together. Our holidays together are a given. Non-negotiable. It says “We are Family” to us.

What is it that YOUR family does on holidays that says,”Hey, we really do matter to each other!”? Many of you will begin to talk about your holiday experiences and you’ll begin to make plans for what you will do to make them wonderful for you and your children. Quality experiences are what bond families together. And those experiences don’t have to be expensive or labor intensive. Sometimes they do take some clever planning. The idea of a family tradition at holiday time is to create some focused activities that will allow you to be together – to relax- to have fun — and enjoy your family. Family traditions that do this strengthen your connection and make your relationships happier and healthier.

Being a close family takes work. But it’s always a lot of fun.

Kids Are Watching — Then Doing

Do you remember a public service ad that became popular during the anti-smoking campaigns of the late sixties?  The ad showed a father and his young son enjoying a day together. The little boy idolizes his Dad, and does everything he sees his dad do. The camera focuses in on the dad washing his car and pans to the little son polishing one of the car’s hubcaps. The next scene shows them riding together in their convertible, top down. The dad waves at a neighbor and the son waves too.  The video next shows the dad skipping a rock across a pond with the son right beside him trying to do that too. The final scene shows them sitting under a tree. Dad takes out a pack of cigarettes, and puts one in his mouth. He then sets the pack down on the ground. The son looks up at his daddy, and then picks up the cigarettes. The TV screen fades to black and scrolls these words: “Like father, like son”.  Our kids are watching everything that we do. Just like that PSA message, those little guys and gals are studying our behaviors and our attitudes. They will learn about life from us.  They will learn how to live it too. We’ll never be perfect parents on this earth, but surely it is our responsibility that if we know our kids will mimic us, that we need to be careful about what we give them to imitate.  We’ve got to be aware of the example that we are showing our babies. There’s a reason that that PSA became on the longest-running ads ever put on television. Somebody was watching it.  

 

 

 

 

Debating Sarah

I’ve been debating whether to comment on Sarah Palin. Guess who won that debate? Pretty obvious - the side of me that said “everyone else is, so why not?” Of course, I do remember my mom saying, “if everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?” So of course, being the defiant girl that I am, I’m jumping.  Sarah nailed it last night in that debate with Biden. She was so real, so natural, so sure, so – so -so NOT political. That doesn’t make much sense because it was a political debate. But Sarah – and I call her that because she is just so real and down to earth- seems to be speaking exactly what she thinks, feels, and means from her heart. And we’ve come to expect our politicians to not do that. The very nature of politics is to say what’s- politically correct. That means many times they do NOT speak their heart but what will allow them to continue to be voted into office.  So Sarah has learned that she can speak her heart and when she puts her heart out there, a lot of Americans love her and what she stands for and enough voted for her in Alaska that she became Governor. Alaska is a small-populated state. But she ousted so many of the “old”politics-as-usual guys that she became noticed in the lower 48, noticed and immediately elevated to a national position of power. I don’t know how a woman with five kids – one a 4 month old – can be anything but real. What busy,working mom has time to work on being fake?  And besides, she has kids to think about. And a mom who loves her kids, is thinking what will be best for them in their lifetimes. That’s a pretty good motivation to do your best at your job. Way to go, Sarah!

Weekends are amazing —ly busy.

I don’t know when weekends became a week long. Sometime ago though. We can cram more into 48+ hours than is really possible. I guess you have to count Friday evenings as part of  the weekend, starting about 5:00 after work on Friday so I guess that makes that about 55 hours to fill up with  Bible studies and ball games, workouts, chores, work, cooking, cleaning, eating out, friends and family events, shopping, going to movies, watching TV ballgames, visiting with friends – oh and laundry. It’s amazing to me how much more I can get done during the Friday to Sunday night hours. I really believe somehow we can get as much or more done on the weekend than we can during the regular weekdays. What’s that about?  Now, I like being busy and being with my family and friends doing so many different things and getting a whole lot done. I do like for things to slow down a bit on Monday. But they don’t. So, I still need to work that out.

Married to My Best Friend

 

I’m very blessed to be married to my best friend. This guy of mine has created a safe, happy, and great space in our marriage for me to be loved, feel loved, and give love. It takes a special kind of man to do that. And I’m blessed that I am married to one who can and does. It takes work to make a marriage strong and stable. And it really takes work if you want it to be happy. Unselfishness is at the heart of a happy married relationship. If it becomes about you and your happiness, forget about it. You’ll both end up miserable. But if you both think about what is best for the other, it’s amazing how much more fun and happy your marriage becomes. My husband didn’t always get that. And neither did I. We figured it out together. The commitment part of marriage made that possible. We were committed - weren’t going to give up. So that provided the structure for a stable marriage. We had to work at the happy marriage part.  But within the secure confines of a stable covenant marriage, we had the time and the space to do just that. It’s not easy. But it’s simple. Just make sure your husband – or your wife- is happy with you -first.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20

Laus Deo!

This morning, stop and think: “Laus Deo!” Just say that again, “Laus Deo!” Now, unless you studied Latin, you may have no idea what this phrase means. I studied Latin  a very long time ago and I didn’t know the exact meaning either. This phrase may be familiar to you, if you know the complete architectural story of the Washington Monument in our nation’s capitol. Most of us know that no buildings can be built higher than the Washington Monument. But did you know that on the very top written on the aluminum cap at its highest peak these words are engraved there: “Laus Deo!”?  Two very seemingly insignificant words – unnoticed by all and unaware of by many. But they are significantly placed at the highest point in the capitol city of the most powerful nation in the world. Very simply, this phrase means, “Praise be to God!” I find it comforting that we live in a nation where its Christian founders knew where their hope and help came from. Regardless of the outcome of the nearing election in eight days, God is still God and loves and protects us from His Holy Heavens. Our God has not left us here without hope. He is still the same forever and ever. Any real help for our nation comes from the Lord our God. He still reigns and no man on earth is more powerful. Laus Deo!

 “My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:2

Have a great day in the Lord, knowing who your real Leader is.

 

 

 

 

What Will Life Be Like on Wednesday?

What’s going to happen on Tuesday? What in the  world are we going to be doing on Wednesday? Will life be different, be normal, be better? Is yours and my life going to change perceptibly after the election? What do you think?

I don’t think there will be anything different in my life on Wednesday – anything that I didn’t plan for or that would just be a normal interruption of plans. Unless it may be a surprising tragedy, calamity,  or catastrophe.  And I don’t believe that the day after the election will reveal anything more to me than the fact that all that I know and love about my life is still just that. Nothing that really matters to me will have changed as a result of who becomes the next president of this country.

But I can’t say the same for any Wednesday in 2009. It’s possible that as a result of the election’s ending that during any week of the following four years, my family’s normal life may be compromised because somebody heading up the strongest most powerful country on earth isn’t keeping it that way. And that may be a problem.

I pray that whoever becomes the next leader of the most compassionate, most influential, and most free nation on this planet, will always remember that our freedom, our powerful posiition, our generosity is made possible because of the protection that our military heroes, our diplomatic expertise and our common belief in human rights have ensured for two centuries. Our USA pride and patriotism is yearned for and sought out by millions of citizens in foreign lands. They still come to our shores and borders by the hundreds each week.  And as the song says, “Freedom isn’t Free”. We have to stay focused as a nation on the depth of sacrifice that becoming and remaining a free country that values human rights, the right to work, to an education, to the pursuit of individual happiness and the freedom to worship God has cost. On this Wednesday regardless of what happened on Tuesday, all US citizens must remember that we are also no one without God. It is His sovereignty that wins out every single day. And His authority and providence that will bless us with strength if His people will once again call on His name.

My Wednesday will be like any other. Great. Awesome. Blessed. Because He lives!

Let Us Pray

We need to pray. There has never been a time when the people of our country should not pray to God. The need is no greater now, than it was yesterday. We must, because without prayer we are a nation that has lost its leader. We will gain no wisdom without asking for it from the giver of wisdom. We will have no hope without the bestower of hope. We will not have strength, if we do not ask for it. In these very uncertain financial, political, and social times, as Christians, we must be before the Father regularly, continously, consistently asking our God to bring us to our knees in humility. And to not allow our pride to destroy us from within or for our enemies to destroy us from without. We have a new president of these United States of America. Elected in a democratic nation to serve for the next four years as the leader of not just this great nation, but of the leader of the free world. Our elected president, Barack Obama, needs our prayers. Just as every president of this great country has needed our prayers. When in doubt of what to do, we always can turn to God’s Word for his clear instruction. He says to us today: ”Be a good citizen. All governments are under God. Insofar as there is peace and order, it’s God’s order. So live responsibly as a citizen. If you’re irresponsible to the state, then you’re irresponsible with God, and God will hold you responsible. Duly constituted authorities are only a threat if you’re trying to get by with something. Decent  law-abiding citizens should have nothing to fear.” Romans 13:1ff (MSG) 

It is our privilege, our duty, our honor as citizens of this great nation to serve under the leadership of this esteemed president. In honor of his elected position and his appointed office, as Christians, we respect our earthly leader as we humbly obey our Heavenly Leader.  There is no power in Heaven or earth that is greater or more good than the forces of God’s grace and love. We will serve each other. We will love each other. We will be kind and generous and humble. We will give to the poor and comfort the sick. We will protect and guide the children. We will care for those who cannot care for themselves. And we will nourish what is good in all of us and denounce evil where we find it. As a Christian nation, we will be a beacon of hope and faith and light to a world that has known too much despair and death and darkness. God bless our newly-elected president. I submit that all Christians must… “Remind the believers to submit to the government and its officers. They should be obedient, always ready to do what is good.” Titus 3:1(NLT)  God bless us all.

Questions, Questions, We’ve Got Questions

Are you sad? Are you mad? Are you happy with the way you are? Have you finally found that place in your life where you are fulfilled? Are you satisfied with your life? Are you making any changes currently that are going to make life better for you? Are you stuck? Are you in a rut? Have you had more successful days than not? Do you feel like a failure a lot of days? Are you close to the people that matter in your life? Are there people in your life that have your back? That are there for you? What are you doing on the days when life just seems right to you? Who are you spending time with that you know is good for you?  Who are the people in your life that love you unconditionally? What do they think about you? Are you in trouble? Is your life falling apart? Are you finding yourself spending more and more time without the people that matter in your life?

Perhaps reading these questions was a useless task for you. And maybe not. If you are looking for a place to turn for answers that matter. Some answers that will help you to find real purpose, real meaning to your life. If you are confused, uncertain, unsure about your future. There is one place that you can turn to that will help you begin to sort through the haze of confusion and uncertainty. You can learn to be sure of who you are and what you are here on earth to do.

Read the Bible’s Gospel of John.  It begins with a man who is questioned about who he is. And the answer to that question may be the start of some answers for you. “He was with God in the beginning. All things were made by him, and nothing was made without him. In him there was life, and that life was the light of all people.” I John 2-4

A book with lots of questions and some truly amazing answers. 

There was a man named John who was sent by God. He came to tell people the truth about the Light so that through him all people could hear about the Light and believe.  John was not the Light, but he came to tell people the truth about the Light.

Gone So Long

Sorry. I’ve suffered not from blog fatigue but writer’s block. I’ve been writing tons.

Just not on this blog.   If I don’t use it. I know, don’t have one. My only reason is  so many required writing assignments. I should just enjoy having the freedom to write whatever, whenever. It just requires having the time. I’m on a brief vacation right now. So I thought I’d get on and see what was going on here. Lots of good posts on other blogs. My friend, Royce, always has a terrific, intriguing, and challenging message on his blog, Grace Digest. Check it out. Then there is my friend, John’s. What a great servant heart. So gracious. a good man. this is his url:

http://johndobbs.com/

 Royce’s is on word press, so just search for it.

I’m in New Orleans and going to drink some iced tea on a true New Orleans courtyard. And NOT blog again today.

President Obama: About That Whole Change Thing…

President – elect Obama was officially declared the winner of the presidential election by the electoral college today. If you heard this announcement on CSPAN or elsewhere this was no big whoop. No surprises. Merely a formality. On January 20, when President-elect Obama becomes officially the leader of the United States, it will be a big whoop. That is no surprise. Because as the first African-American president, he has made history. As I’ve stated on this blog before, I’m very proud of him and all that it took to allow him a truly unique place in history as the elected President. Few folks can boast that. My pride in him may diminish though if he doesn’t add to his unique accomplishments as the serving President of our country. An area where he can have an influence of change is one that is very seldom talked about except when necessary in government and academic reports.  I pray that President Obama will not shy away from a travesty affecting millions of our country’s chidren. Maggie Gallagher, one of the world’s foremost researchers and writers on marriage made a strong statement about this plight a little over a year ago. Just about when Mr. Obama was campaigning for the nominee position. Here is what she said. “When almost 70 percent of children in a given community are born outside of marriage (as among African-Americans today) that’s a tsunami blocking the intergenerational accumulation of human and social capital. So far, the silence about the issue among our leaders is deafening.”  I agree with Mr. Obama. It is time for a change. A big one. It is time for the all of us, including our leaders to assist the African-American culture in addressing this egregious violation of a child’s birthright to family – to the blessing of love and security of two married biological parents. It is time for us to state out loud, on purpose, with conviction what research has shown and what sound common sense knows: that children do best – just do better – when raised in a home with  a married mother and a father. Nothing will ever replace what a mother will do for her child. Nobody will ever replace what a father must do for his child. It takes a mother and a father  in a marriage to raise a child to make a solid, secure family where he can be provided for and protected.  A people, a culture, a nation is diminished when it won’t protect the weakest among it.

Can any human society be stronger than its core? Isn’t the core of any human society the family, where a child grows into adulthood nurtured and taught by his parents?  An old proverb may say this best.

“ When there is love in a marriage, there is harmony in the home; when there is harmony  in the home, there is contentment in the community; when there is contentment in the  community, there is prosperity in the nation; when there is prosperity in the nation, there is peace in the world.” This is where you can make real change, President Obama. In our nation’s homes. Call us back to the love and sanctity of the home. To marriage. To a place where a child has a chance at life.  Now that would be a really big whoop. And a unique, historical accomplishment.